Good Moaning! What terrible, terrible times we live in! On the other hand, what a wonderful, wonderful day it is! Seize the day! Enjoy your family and friends! Help an old lady across the street! (Before she hits you with her handbag!) Use lots of exclamation points! (oops)

Anyway, as your one-stop news resource, Dumb Ox News also lists those stories you WON'T likely see in the Utopian World Media...

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld says he can't sleep at night for the way the liberal media (a.k.a. the UWM) lets itself be prostituted by terrorists to spew their propaganda and to advance the Islamist fanatical agenda. Duh.

Have a great day and... Stay tuned for updates...